Hen Party Woes

Posted on: February 9, 2012

So last night I cried. Lots. It’s mainly because I’m poorly and when I’m poorly, I turn into a big baby. It’s also because the whole hen-do thing is stressing me out.

I have an enormous family. I love them dearly but I’m closer to some than others and the sheer number of aunts, uncles and cousins has led to most issues around guest list/cost/who is involved in what. So, when it came to the hen-do, I didn’t know what to do. If I was honest with myself, I’d have a small hen do with a few immediate girlfriends, my mom and my mother in law to be. However, I couldn’t invite my mom and mother in law without inviting everyone else – such is the situation with family and floodgates. So, my mom reasonably stepped aside and offered to organise a family hen-do, leaving me to have a friends only hen-do, organised by my bridesmaids.

I said to my bridesmaids that I didn’t want a big, expensive hen-do. The wedding will cost enough for guests and I don’t want them resenting spending money on what I see to be a fairly non-essential weekend which most people feel obligated to attend, whether they can afford it or not.

My conditions were:

1. No ‘L’ Plates or other tacky paraphernalia
2. No strippers
3. No silly games where I have to approach anyone outside of my hen party to ask for their pants/number/a dance or anything else which will embarrass me.
4. Nothing that costs too much money – the wedding costs enough already for guests. Low key is the key!

I’m pretty certain some people think I’m being really boring but I can’t bear the thought of being made to wear willy earrings and smear oil over a naked man/woman/dwarf.

The bridesmaids assure me that it will be a classy and relaxed event. I hear that the Save The Date has gone out suggesting it is the Friday and Saturday evening but I may suggest it is kept to just Saturday. People’s time is precious and taking up two days is a lot and will only add to the expense. I contemplated cancelling the whole thing but one of my bridesmaids had a stern word with me about that and it appears to still be on.

My issue is with G’s sisters, who are bridesmaids, and assuring them that they do not need to attend both hen-dos. The family hen-do is for about 35 women. 35! I am not good in big groups. We held a party at our house for my 30th and about 70 people came and I hated it – I know that sounds awful but with the feisty family I have, I was pulled pillar to post ‘you should be doing this’ ‘you should be doing that’ ‘I’ve hardly seen you all night’ ‘where is the Tupperware?’ you get the picture.

My mom is struggling with the organising as there are so many opinions flying about and she is never going to please 35 women. She’s trying to keep me as the focus and her view is that the family can afford to spoil me and if people can’t afford to come, they really aren’t obliged to and so she wants to do something she thinks I’ll love. However, people are arguing about cost, which is reasonable but I’m not sure the tone of the emails to her is quite what my mother wants and she’s getting annoyed. I’ve emailed G’s sisters to suggest they may want to just come to the family hen do and not the friend one, to save costs but I’ve had no reply yet.

So, will my mom end up yelling at people? Have I offended G’s sisters by saying they shouldn’t come to the friends’ hen-do? Should I just cancel the whole thing and just not bother? I’m not sure I really want a hen-do after all.

What to do?



2 Responses to "Hen Party Woes"

I had a ladies tea party – all crocks came from charity shops and we had pimms and cupcakes (before they were trendy) and all my guests had to wear hats. I even made my own bunting….it’s not all about money but about being the centre of attention by the women in your life who love you, allowing them to spoil you and enjoying it is all that matters 🙂 hope you find a happy medium

Oh that sounds really gorgeous! What a lovely idea. I just don’t want anyone to go to any trouble and I hate the thought of people falling out over organising or resenting the whole thing! It makes me want to go and hide in a cupboard until it’s all over! xxx

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