Posts Tagged ‘ambition

I have always been aware of issues of being female – the glass ceiling etc etc but I didn’t really expect it to be an issue in my life. I’m fairly feisty, I can hold my own and I believe that we are all equal. Any blokey ‘banter’ that has come my way has been dealt with with good humour and a strong backbone. This hasn’t been the problem for me, I was taken by surprise by a different feminist issue.

I find myself in a situation and I don’t really know what to do. I’m 31 in April, getting married in August. I’d like to start a family and my husband to be and I have already talked about when we might want to start trying for a baby. This is all very exciting. I can’t wait to be a mommy and I hope and pray everything turns out alright.

The difficulty is that I’m quite ambitious. I trained for 7 years to enter my profession and since then I have undertaken a further 2 years of exams to obtain an additional qualifications, whilst working full time. I worked for a large, commercial firm for a few years and then moved to a smaller firm. The move was partly to do with work/life balance – I didn’t want to be whipped about time recording and bills as harshly as I had been – but also because I knew I could achieve more in a smaller firm. I am interested in management and marketing and I wanted to feel as though I was part of a business that I could help to shape the future of.

There has been talk of partnership in the firm and I’m very interested in it. I would begin as a salaried partner with a view to being invited to buy in and become an equity partner at some time in the future. General and minor frustrations aside and ignoring all economic reasons to consider whether equity partnership is right, the idea of promotion and responsibility speaks to me. Of course I want to be a partner – I’ve worked really hard and without trying to sound arrogant, I really think I deserve it. I do contribute more than on a files and bills level. I help bring work into the business and I help manage my team. I’m happy to take on the role.

BUT I also want to be a mom. I don’t want to work all hours when I have a baby. I want to be home with my baby and my husband (and hopefully my dog!). I want to work from home more often so I can try to keep control of my home life when I return to work and I don’t think I will want to work full time.

What does that mean for the business? My rights aside, how annoying is it for a business to promote someone to partnership to then find that she goes part time and is never in the office! I know that I am entitled to be considered and I deserve promotion but what if I don’t want all that responsibility when my babies come along? What if I just want to do my job and get home?

If I didn’t have babies, I would focus on this goal and hit it head first and not give up until I’d done everything I could to be considered for partnership. Because I know I want a baby and this could be something that happens relatively soon, should I reconsider my options? I know my priorities will change. I already feel they will because I know what kind of mother I’d like to be.

Occasionally, I consider a career change. The reasons behind this would take too long to explain but the point of this is to say that I feel I can’t change career now as I might not be in my new job for very long before I went off on maternity leave. Job security would then be an issue.

I try to consider different options for working from home but I don’t have the big idea which will end up with me working for myself and being able to stay home. So, for now, I’m stuck in this middle-zone of career versus motherhood.

I know that everyone says that we should be able to have both but how are people successful at both? Are you a great mom but putting less in at work or are you a great employee but don’t get much time at home? How do you balance it? Being a perfectionist, I want to be the best I can be in any role I take on. I’m worried that something is going to have to give and it will have to be the job.

I don’t know what to do with that at the moment.



Follow my tweets @LoveYouBlog

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

%d bloggers like this: